On this page
This website discusses domestic and family violence and coercive control.
Call Triple Zero (000) and ask for Police if you are in a dangerous or life-threatening situation.
If you don't want to speak to the police you can also call DV Connect on 1800 811 811 or 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).
Find other support options
You deserve a relationship where you are safe, equal, and respected. It is not your fault if you are experiencing domestic and family violence (DFV). It is the responsibility of the person using DFV to change their behaviour.
If something about a relationship doesn’t feel right, you’re doing the right thing by looking into it. If someone is making you feel scared, threatened or restricted it could be DFV or coercive control.
This could be a relationship with a family member, partner, ex-partner or an informal carer who does things like taking you shopping or helping you dress.
It’s okay if you’re not sure. Relationships can be complicated and sometimes abuse can be hard to spot. Every relationship is different and there can be no complete list. Below are some of the common examples of harmful behaviours.
Examples of harmful behaviours
Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of abusive behaviour over time that hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, or threaten another person to control or dominate them.
Coercive control is almost always an underpinning dynamic of domestic and family violence.
The difference between coercive control and other types of unhealthy behaviour is that this is used to control you. It is common to experience coercive control and other types of domestic and family violence at the same time.
Technology based abuse is when someone uses technology like mobile phones or computers to control someone else. This could include setting up your phone using their profile, so they have access to everything on your device without your permission or because they pressured you into it against your will.
Stalking and monitoring involves someone keeping track of what you do when you don’t want them to. This could include following you in car on or foot or asking other people to tell them where you go and what you do.
Systems abuse is when someone manipulates legal systems and other systems to control, threaten and harass you. This could include making multiple applications and complaints in multiple systems like the courts or Centrelink to purposely interrupt or prolong the process.
Social isolation is when someone limits or restricts who you see or how often you can see other people so they can control you. It could start in subtle ways including them constantly criticizing your friends and family to turn you against them over time, so you become dependent on them alone.
Financial abuse is when someone controls how you earn, spend, or save money so that they have power over you. It could start by them telling you to leave money matters to them and over time they erode your confidence until they have you convinced that it’s in your best interest that they control all your money to fund their own lifestyle.
Emotional abuse involves someone doing things to lower your self-esteem and confidence. This could include constantly criticising you, threatening to commit suicide or self-harm, or convincing you that you are ‘crazy’ or a liar, so you start questioning your own judgement.
Verbal abuse is when someone uses words to intimidate and scare you. This could involve yelling, swearing, and shouting.
Physical abuse is when someone hurts you or threatens to hurt you. This could include choking you, so you struggle to breath you or holding their hands around your throat and threatening to strangle you. It could also involve slapping, punching, kicking, or damaging property like punching holes in the walls.
Animal abuse is when someone hurts or threatens to hurt your pets to control or intimidate you. This could involve uses threats of hurting your pets to make you do something you don’t want to do or feeding your pet something toxic.
Sexual abuse can include forcing or coercing you to have sex or engage in sexual acts, unwanted exposure to pornography, deliberately causing pain during sex or using sexually degrading insults or humiliation during sex.
Reproductive control is often a subset of sexual abuse and can include not letting you use contraception or forcing you to use contraception that you do not want to, tampering with your contraception without your knowledge, pressuring you to have a termination you don’t want, or not allowing you to access a termination of pregnancy or pressuring you to start a family or have more children when you are not ready.
Cultural, religious and spiritual abuse can include forcing you to participate in religious activities, stopping you from taking part in your religious or cultural practices or misusing spiritual or religious beliefs and practices to justify abuse and violence.
Identity-based abuse is often specifically targeted at people from the LGBTIQ+ communities and can include, threatening to reveal your sexual orientation—outing you—to others, threatening to reveal your HIV status to others, reinforcing your feelings of confusion, shame or guilt about your sexuality to coerce you, using your concern that support services may be homophobic or transphobic to discourage you from seeking help, isolating you from your family, community, or LGBTIQ+ spaces, or threatening to isolate you if the relationship ends.
Other types of harmful behaviours or abuse
- Stalking
- Elder abuse
- Child abuse
- Child sexual abuse
- Sexual abuse and assault
- Assault, sexual assault and stalking
- Torture and trauma
How to get help
Call Triple Zero (000) if someone you know is in immediate danger.
Use:
to find services that can provide help with:
- how to report abuse
- housing and safe accommodation
- counselling
- legal help
- court support
- financial assistance.
Relationship support
Relationships Australia Queensland provides relationship guidance and help with family conflicts, trauma and domestic and family violence.
Find services and support to help you with:
- relationship and marriage problems
- building respectful relationships for young people
- family support services for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples
- care for and protection of children at home
- recognising Elder Abuse
- understanding and recognising what a healthy relationship looks like for women with disability.