What is domestic and family violence?

Domestic and family violence (DFV) is when one person in an intimate or romantic relationship or former relationship, or family or informal carer relationship uses violence or abuse to maintain power and control over the other person.

Sometimes it can be hard to recognise DFV. It can happen in lots of ways, and it’s not always physical abuse.

If someone is making you feel scared, threatened, or controlling you, trust your instincts and talk to someone you can trust. You could be experiencing DFV, even if you are not being physically hurt. Help is available.

Coercive control is at the heart of DFV. It’s more than a form of DFV. It’s a pattern of abusive behaviours over time, that can be physical or non-physical, with the intention to hurt, humiliate, isolate, frighten, or threaten another person in order to control or dominate them.

Coercive control is the underpinning dynamic of domestic and family violence.

DFV and coercive control are serious and can affect anyone regardless of their age, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, ability, or location. However, most DFV is directed towards women by their male partner or ex-partner and coercive and controlling behaviours are almost exclusively used by men towards women.

There is no place for abusive or controlling behaviour in a healthy relationship.

It is never your fault if you experience DFV and coercive control. It is the responsibility of the person using controlling or abusive behaviours to stop hurting those they say they care about.

What does the law say about DFV?

In Queensland, the Domestic and Family Violence Protection Act (2012) is the main law to help protect people from DFV.

Under Queensland’s law, domestic and family violence can happen in 3 different types of relationships:

1. Romantic and intimate relationships—any relationship with or between boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, engaged or married couples, separated and divorced couples. This includes straight and LGBTIQA+ couples. It also includes past relationships, like couples who have broken up, separated or divorced.
2. Family relationships—any relationship with someone you are related to, like parents, adult children, grandparents, cousins, aunts or uncles. It also includes relatives by marriage, such as in-laws or stepparents. In your culture, other people may also be called family or kin, like Elders in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities.
3. Informal care relationship—when one person depends on another person for daily needs, like getting dressed, cooking or shopping. It doesn’t include help provided by a paid worker such as a disability support worker. Women with disability are almost twice as likely to experience domestic and family violence than women without disability (Australian Institute of Health and Welfare).

Violence or abuse that happens outside of these relationships is not DFV but can be reported to the police to investigate. Learn about other types of abuse.

Types of domestic and family violence

DFV does not always involve physical violence, it can take many forms and is not always physical.  Coercive control is almost always an underpinning dynamic of domestic and family violence. Coercive control is the patterns of behaviour used by a person to dominate and control the other person to make them do what they want.

Find out more about the types of DFV.

Signs of domestic and family violence

Someone experiencing domestic and family violence may:

• seem afraid of their partner or former partner, family member or informal carer
• they have been choked or strangled by their partner
• try to hide bruises, for example by wearing long sleeves in summer or giving unlikely explanations for injuries
• have little or no say about how money is spent
• stop seeing friends and family and become isolated
• become depressed, unusually quiet or lose confidence
• show signs of neglect if they are older or have a disability
• have a partner who frequently accuses them of cheating or continually checks up on them
• be reluctant to leave their children with their partner
• suspect they are being stalked or followed.

They may be in greater danger if:

• there is a history of domestic and family violence
• violence has escalated within the relationship
• their partner is stalking or monitoring their movements
• they separate or plan to separate from their partner
• they start a new relationship, or their ex-partner believes they have
• there are issues about child custody or access to children
• they are pregnant
• there is financial hardship or unemployment
• the partner has a history of physical violence, mental illness, substance misuse, or access to weapons.

Help and support

Find out how to support someone experiencing domestic and family violence.

These services may be able to help if you are experiencing domestic or family violence:

• Women (DV Connect)
• Men (DV Connect)
• 1800 RESPECT
• LGBTIQ communities – including:
  • LGBTI legal service
  • young people and seniors who identity as LGBTIQ
  • police liaison and support for the LGBTI community
  • QLIFE.

Find other help and support options.