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This website discusses domestic and family violence and coercive control.
Call Triple Zero (000) and ask for Police if you are in a dangerous or life-threatening situation.
If you don't want to speak to the police you can also call DV Connect on 1800 811 811 or 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).
Find other support options
Reasons why they may stay
There are many reasons why someone may not be able to leave an abusive relationship. They may feel it is safer for them to stay than to leave, at least for now.
Ending an abusive or controlling relationship can be a high risk time for the person being harmed. Reasons why they cannot leave may include:
- Love – they believe their partner's promise to end DFV, and hope the relationship can continue free from violence or control
- Fear - for their life, the lives of their children or family. Often the person using violence may threaten to hurt or kill them and others if they leave. They believe they have nowhere to go or that they will be found wherever they go. They may also fear isolation or disapproval from family and friends
- Financial reasons – they may have little or no access to money and worry they can’t support themselves or their children
- Family loyalty or duty – they may be encouraged or persuaded by others (such as family, friends, minister, community elder) to stay or give their partner another chance. They may be reluctant to end the relationship after the years that have been invested
- Familiarity, and/or uncertainty about the future – they may believe they cannot cope by themselves or alone with their children and may have been told this repeatedly by the abusive person. They may be unwilling to take the children away from their home and the other parent, or fear losing their children in a custody battle
- Cultural or religious beliefs – they have a cultural or religious belief that marriage is forever
- Shame – they may feel ashamed and believe that DFV is their fault
What can I do?
Do not pressure them - it is never easy to make a significant decision about the future and placing pressure on the person to leave can be unhelpful. Knowing they have your continued support is often the most valuable investment you can make in your friend. Remember the choice to use DFV or coercive control is in the hands of the person using it and never the responsibility of the victim.